The Wisest Amongst Us and Fair

The world is bound by a lot of rules. The rules of the road, the rules of the classroom, the rules of common etiquette, there are rules everywhere. Sometimes the rules are easy and they make a lot of sense - they're there for our safety, to protect us and keep us from injury, harm, sickness, or death. Sometimes, they're less obvious, but we're still expected to follow them. We're told so often that rules are there for our own good, even if we don't understand them. There will always be rules you like, and rules you don't; rules you are willing to follow and rules that are dealbreakers for you.

When I mention to people that I'm a Baha'i, if they know anything about the Faith, they usually ask about the rules. (And even if they don't, people generally realize that religion = rules). They ask what they are, or they mention ones they know and ask me how I cope with obeying. (For me, a lot of the time the "no alcohol or other intoxicating things" is the one that people tend to get stuck on.) Why would I choose to be a part of something with rules like that? There's rules about prayers, about how to live, there's whole books on it. The world is full of enough people telling you what to do , why would you willingly listen to one more?

I stumble over this a lot. The no intoxicants one is easy - I've struggled with that sort of thing in the past, so this, to me, is a convenient way to take the temptation out of my own hands. I never made what people might consider "huge mistakes" with anything, but I know I've made some pretty ungood choices in my past when influenced by those substances. So now, it's nice. I can just go "I don't drink because I choose to trust that Baha'u'llah asked me not to for some very good reasons", and it's done. It doesn't matter if you agree with the decision, but I feel better and more okay with sitting with it. It's not about me trying to keep myself away from something that I struggle with (although that's a nice bonus), it's about me trusting that He asked me to do this, so I can keep a clear head and help the world be a better place.

Some of them are trickier. I'm not always great at remembering my prayers, backbiting and gossip are often very, very tempting, but I try. I try because I want to - because when I was seeking, the rules felt manageable, like I could try to do it, and as I've continued to try my very best, I have seen so many ways following Baha'u'llah's rules have helped me be a happier, kinder, safer person. I've been able to do more, and be more, and I've been able to serve my community in ways I'd never ever ever thought I could.

The rules give me structure, and structure makes my brain happy. My brain *likes* knowing what's next. It keeps my anxiety dinosaur from roaring quite so loud, it keeps my brain spiders from skittering around making messes of things. So now, I can go to Feast even though it means more people than I'm technically happy with in terms of crowds and social stuff and small talk. I can make the newsletter, I can speak up during consultation, I can make friends in my community, I can live and breathe and sleep a little easier, because I get to give so much of the hard decisions to someone else. Baha'u'llah's already told me what to do, so I don't have to stress about it. Baha'u'llah said to "Let each morn be better than its eve and each morrow richer than its yesterday", and to me, that just means that hey, every day is a new day where we can do a little more, try a little harder, and make the world a little happier. And His rules help me do that.

Last night I was talking with a dear friend about some stuff in my life, and he reminded me of another quote I like a lot: "Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning" - in context, it's talking about the fact that we are all going to die someday, and will be accountable for the choices we make, but to me, it also is a nice reminder to think about the day I've had. What did I do well? What was good? What did I learn? What would I change the next day? It helps me refocus myself, and to think about how I am using the rules and guidance that Baha'u'llah has given us, for myself, and for the world around me.

The rules are there because I am loved, because He knew what I'd need to be able to be my best self, what humanity would need as it grows and changes. They're not there to put me down, to subjugate us, but to give us hope, and life, and the tools we need to make the world more awesome. They're an audacious ask, a act of care and compassion. They're an act of trust - trust that we will follow His guidance, that we will trust that He knows what we need, even if we don't understand it yet.

So yes, there are rules. Not nearly as many as you think, and it's surprising how many are just natural extensions of trying to be a good person. But they're rules I can sit with, and that's all that matters.

Emotion, Devotion, to Causing a Commotion

Every day, a million million things yell for our attention. Buy this car, eat this sandwich, wear these clothes, put on this makeup, go to this vacation spot, and EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER. Your skin will glow, your dog will stop using that corner of the living room as a bathroom, your kids will stop fighting over who gets the last Pop-Tart, you'll be happy and everything will be perfect.

We all know it doesn't work that way. It would be great if all my problems could be magically solved with some fancy cheese and the right pair of shoes, but...having consumed a lot of string cheese and walked right through a whole bunch of flip-flops, I'm still waiting for that magic moment. 

So what now? What do I do to make the world better, to make myself better, to get even a tiny itty bitty fraction closer to whatever it is that we're supposed to be striving for? 

Step one, I've found, is realizing that it's never gonna be instant. You'll fail, a LOT. You're gonna let people you love down, you're gonna let yourself down, the community that's supposed to love you and walk with you is gonna let you down too. Because oh hey, we're all just ridiculous meat people trying to figure out this giant cosmic mess. It's a pretty big thing to be trying to do while also making sure the kids are dressed and the cat's fed and oh hey did someone drink the last of the milk again? 

The best part about this, for my Baha'i self, is that it's....kinda expected I'm gonna suck at stuff sometimes. Why else do we have loving Writings that tell us stuff like "Let each morn be better than its eve and each morrow richer than its yesterday."? Sure, fine, today sucked, you messed up, you tripped and fell on your face, but...hey, guess what, tomorrow is a brand new day. You can try again.

I think that's something we forget a lot, this sort of kindness. Obeying the rules (whatever they are to you and however they look) isn't easy. If it was easy, we'd not need them written down and laid out for us. There are "rules" of the Baha'i Faith that I know are a struggle for me. Like Baha'u'llah's reminder to " let your heart burn with loving kindness for all who may cross your path". Some days I don't want to be loving and kind! I want to be angry and stompy and knock over buildings like Godzilla. But He knows that, and He's made room for it, as long as I pick myself up, dust myself off and keep walking the path He's set for me. 

Maybe we gotta do that for ourselves, too. It's so easy to compare ourselves to our family or friends or that stranger down the street who REALLY seems to have it all together. It's easy to think they've got it all sorted, that they're following all the rules and they're not spilling spaghetti down their shirt and ending up with mismatched socks. But maybe their yesterday sucked, and we're just seeing them in their much better morn. Even if we aren't, even if we are seeing them in their default state and we don't feel like we could ever measure up, we owe it to ourselves to remember that in the end, that's not what we're here for! We're here for such a short time, and we have so much to do and to learn and so many ways to grow and so many tiny little miracles to experience. 

It's good to know what the rules are, what we're seeking to achieve. But it's also good, I think, to acknowledge that knowing and doing are vastly different things. After all, we're told "let deeds, not words, be your adorning," for a dang good reason I think. Words are easy, doing's the tricky part, and to keep doing and keep trying even when we have scraped our knees for the hundredth time (I have the scars to prove it, I can show you)? That's where the real love is. 

That's the answer, I think. Find the love that drives you. For me, it's the love of God and Baha'u'llah, for you it might be something else entirely. But it's in there. Love yourself enough to keep trying, to keep doing the things out of that love that drives your very soul, and that's what obedience really looks like.