We Can Burn Brighter Than The Sun

I keep waiting for the day I feel like a grown up, it feels like. I'm 32, and I keep thinking that at some point, I will wake up and actually feel adult. So far, that hasn't happened. Sure, I make sure the bills are paid, I go to work, all of that, but I also have a lunch bag that can double as a cat puppet, my room is full of plushies of various kinds, and juiceboxes and Goldfish crackers are my go-to comfort foods.

So...what makes you a grownup? Do you have to be grownup all the time? Can we learn anything from the not-grownups in our lives?

I've been working through some of the Junior Youth Empowerment Program books with a friend. They're aimed at people much younger than me, intended to help teach various moral and spiritual values and a general idea of empowerment. They avoid being overtly religious, because that's not really the point - it's not a conversion tool. They're inspired by various Baha'i concepts, but that's really as far as it goes. And yes, they're not *technically* aimed at older youth or adults, but that hasn't stopped me from getting a LOT out of them.

Right now, we're going through one called "Thinking About Numbers". As the title states...it's about math. Like counting and arithmetic math. Math is...not my strong suit, so it's been fun because it has honestly been changing how I, well, think about numbers. We're not very far in, but I can't wait to see what sorts of things I get out of it. But it's not just about the math concepts - all of those concepts are good, and do need to be taught, but the book also frames them in their wider context. It's not just "learn about math because...you have to because school says so", it's "learn these things and how to think about numbers and math concepts as part of also learning how to grow and be a part of your local reality, your community, your world". 

I never liked math in school because after a bit, you stop learning why it's useful, and how it can help you, and it's just "learn these complicated things because someone else decided that this is summarily important for everyone even though you're likely going to forget them and never use them." (I'm looking at you, quadratic equation.) But this...this is different. It reminds me about how so much of my faith is centered around looking at the world and it's problems, refusing to accept that things are just how they are, and working to change it where we can. 

Some of the books (like the first one we looked at, called Breezes of Confirmation), focus more directly on moral/spiritual matters - and I think that's also important too. All of the books are so focused on giving young people agency and learning about self-direction and letting them be an active participant not just in the books and what they're learning from them, but also in their local communities.

I really like this chance to look at these books, because, well, they weren't a part of my youth. I like seeing what sort of things we're trying to help children and teens learn to be fully able to take an active role in their world, and they're also good for me - I am learning so much, just because I am taking time to think about these concepts. I imagine anyone who works through them with junior youth also leans a lot, because you'd see these things through their eyes.

So maybe it's okay I'm not a grownup all the time, and that I still haven't figured out what that looks like. Maybe it means knowing I don't have all the answers, and that I won't, and that it's okay. Maybe it means not dismissing things just because they're aimed at kids, and remembering that learning never really stops.

I Caught Wind and Hit the Road Runnin'

(This was originally supposed to be posted before the Bicentenary, but I got sick. I think there are still some good thoughts in here, though, so I am still posting it.)

In just a few short hours, I will be on vacation for 10 whole days. I'm super excited, and not just because it's a chance to step away from work for a little bit and reset my batteries, but because my time off is going to be FULL of adventures.

If you're not aware, next week marks a pretty big event in the Baha'i world - it's the Twin Holy Birthdays! We get to celebrate the birth of the Bab AND the birth of Baha'u'llah, one day after each other. That in and of itself is pretty cool, but on top of that, this year marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of the Bab, so it's extra super special.

There are SO many things going on in my community in the coming days. We've got celebrations large and small (and trust me, if you have some free time and want to celebrate with us? There's lots of ways we can do that together, no matter if you're a Baha'i or not. We're excited, and we want to share that with everyone!) and it's going to be a time of joy and reverence and celebration and excitement and deep, deep faith. (Also snacks, because you gotta feed body AND soul. It's important.)

I've been thinking a lot lately about my place in all of that - how can I serve? How can I make my mark on this momentous occasion? What does service even look like?

Part of me REALLY wants it to be a big fancy thing. Bright lights, neon signs, big impact. Name goes down in history for doing huge things, changing the world. But...that's not really what I'm good at. If this was a video game, I'd be a support character. The healer, not the hero. The character with one or two moves that aren't useful except for like super specific circumstances when they shine, or one of a pile of minions that aren't super great on their own, but stick a bunch of them together and magic happens.

Is there room for me? Is that enough? Not just right now, as we move into the Bicentenary period, but other times, when there's not this great momentum moving us to this amazing moment? How can I serve Baha'u'llah, my community, the world...when I am just one me?

(image courtesy of besw515@gmail.com, used with permission)

I think about this idea a lot - that anything I do in the spirit of service, is worship. So it doesn't matter if it is a big thing or a small thing, if I do it in the right mindset, it's an act of worship. 

This has helped me reframe a lot of things in my life - I don't have to be necessarily the most bestest and brightest shining-est Baha'i who everyone knows is going out and doing the stuff in the best perfect-est way - I can keep living my life of small joys and small moments, of noticing and breathing into the quiet. 

It's like how I do the newsletter every Baha'i month for my community. It's a small thing - just a page or two on what's going on locally and around the world, events that are coming up, stuff we want to celebrate, things we want to be aware of, anything that we want to share with the community as a whole. I love it because it's something I can do from my house, so no matter where my brain is at, I can get it done. And it's something that is helping my community be better connected to each other, and helping me be better connected to it. It's been changing my community in small subtle ways, and it's been really fun to see. 

So I might not be at every event (my work schedule makes that tricky), I might not be out there teaching children's classes or working in obvious ways in my community, but this is my small way of sharing my skills with my Baha'i community. 

And it's not just about doing "Baha'i" things either - anything counts! So hey, if you make REALLY GOOD bread and you put your whole self into that, and into sharing that with people? That's worship. Checking in on your friends who just had a baby and bringing them soup or other needed things? Totally counts. Do you make sure you show up at your job every day and do your best to do whatever it is you're asked to do? You've got it, that's worship too, if you do it all in a spirit of honest service.

To me, that's the hard bit - it's easy to do good things, but to do them as honest acts of service, instead of waiting for the praise and pat on the head or whatever sort of reward...that takes a bit more work. But, I'm trying my best, and every day, I try to do it a little better than the day before.

So I don't know what the bicentenary will look like. I don't know what my service will look like. But I will go in with my best most honest heart, and do whatever I can to show the love of Baha'u'llah to the world around me. It's all I can do.